Confronting a loved one about their addiction is challenging for everyone involved. However, an intervention is a constructive and compassionate way to help people struggling with addiction. While the process can be difficult, it can also be a turning point towards recovery.
What is an intervention and how does it work?
An intervention is a planned, structured meeting to talk to a loved one about their addiction. The goal of an intervention is to support the person experiencing addiction to acknowledge their situation and accept that they need treatment. It can a key way to help someone with an alcohol addiction.
Interventions aren’t an opportunity to blame or shame the person involved. Instead, it’s a chance for concerned family members and friends to offer support to their loved one. This can help to break through denial or resistance, and support the person to get help for their addiction before it escalates further.
Interventions can be family-led or professionally guided with the help of an interventionist. An interventionist is usually a therapist or counsellor who’s experienced in addiction and recovery. They’ll be able to make sure the message is delivered in a supportive and non-judgemental way.
Part of the intervention is encouraging the person to recognise they need support for their addiction, which could take the form of residential rehab, outpatient therapy or support groups. The process for getting into treatment could begin immediately after the intervention.
Signs it’s time to stage an intervention
It’s not always obvious when an intervention is the right approach. However, there are some common warning signs that suggest a loved one’s addiction has reached crisis point:
- They have repeatedly attempted to stop using the substance without success
- They may be in denial that there’s a problem
- They may lie about their substance us
- Their behaviour is becoming increasingly erratic
- Their habits are self-destructive
- They are harming themselves and people around them
- Their health and safety are at risk
- You and others are seriously concerned about them
- You feel like you’ve tried everything else to get them to stop using
It’s normal to be concerned if you recognise these signs in your loved one. An intervention is an important first step towards taking action.
Five steps for a successful intervention
Staging a successful intervention requires careful planning and execution. Following the steps below will help you consider every aspect of an intervention. These steps can be used to create a plan that everyone involved can refer to.
1. Form a team
An intervention team should consist of people who are close to the person with the addiction, such as family, friends and colleagues. It’s important that the person at the centre of the intervention respects everyone in the team. Anyone who may trigger emotional outbursts or conflict during the intervention should be excluded.
Feelings of anger, resentment and hurt are normal when you’re dealing with an addict, but it’s crucial that you process your feelings outside of the intervention. Speaking to friends or a therapist, or writing down your thoughts and feelings, can help clear the way before the intervention itself.
The language that you and the team use during the intervention should be caring, loving and supportive. Anger or blame won’t help the situation. If you think there’s potential for emotional outbursts from members of the team, you could nominate a trustworthy person to manage and de-escalate issues before they derail the intervention.
2. Plan and prepare
Interventions can be uncomfortable, volatile and upsetting. Thoroughly planning how the intervention will take place can help everyone in the team feel more in control.
Rehearsing is important. Practise what you’re going to say, perhaps with someone playing the role of your loved one. This can help you to think about all the possible ways they may respond and how you may respond in turn.
If you prefer, you could write down what you’d like to say and read from your notes during the intervention.
Emotional preparation is also necessary as interventions can be difficult for everyone involved. Not only is the person experiencing addiction likely to be suffering trauma and pain, their behaviours when under the influence of alcohol may prove challenging. These factors all have an impact on how cognitively competent they may be during the intervention.
Witnessing all of this may be very difficult for those on the team. Preparing yourself for the worst removes much of the shock and distress you might otherwise feel. You might also benefit from talking to a trusted friend or family member about the intervention. While it may not be appropriate for them to join the intervention itself, they can support you before and after.
Think about how you might feel in the days before and after the intervention and plan accordingly. Take some days off work, if you think you’ll need time to plan the intervention or process what was said, and make sure you can rest.
3. What to say
The language you use during the intervention will be key to success. Reducing conflict is essential so it’s important to keep the conversation non-confrontational. Focus on compassion, mutual understanding and constructive communication instead, using the strategies below.
- Use “I” statements
Instead of pointing fingers or blaming, focus on how you feel and your perspective. “I” statements are a less accusatory way to express concern.
For example: "I feel worried when I see you struggling" instead of "You’re ruining everything." - Try active listening
Active listening means you’re fully concentrating on what the other person is saying so you can better understand their perspective and respond thoughtfully. Avoid interrupting.
Acknowledge and respect their perspective by using phrases like "I hear you" or "I understand what you're saying." - Ask open-ended questions
Encourage dialogue with questions that invite discussion rather than shutting it down: "Can you help me understand what you're going through?" instead of "Why can’t you get it together?" - Avoid accusations and blame
Confrontation often escalates when people feel attacked. Focus on behaviour without judging: "I’ve noticed you've been missing work" rather than "You’re irresponsible." - Show empathy and understanding
Express genuine care and compassion for what the person is going through: "I know this is tough. I’m here to support you." - Stay solution-focused
Guide the conversation towards finding solutions: "What steps can we take to make things better?" instead of "This always goes wrong."
4. Choose the right moment
Picking the right moment is crucial for ensuring the intervention remains calm and productive. For the best chance of success, think about the time and place.
Choose a time when the person is sober or is unlikely to be affected by their substance use. This means they’re more likely to be clear-headed, receptive and able to engage with the intervention team without feeling defensive or threatened.
Choose a location that feels safe and neutral as you want your loved one to remain calm. This could be a neutral friend or family member’s home or you may be able to use a room in a community building or hotel. A carefully chosen setting can support open and productive communication that remains solution-focused. Make sure you won’t be interrupted by people who aren’t in the intervention team such as children or other people inhabiting the building.
5. Set clear consequences
While it’s not the outcome you want, your loved one may refuse treatment. This is their choice. Before the intervention, the team should agree boundaries with clear consequences around what will happen if this happens.
For example, you may decide that offers of financial support or housing will stop unless treatment begins. Or you may decide that your contact with them will be reduced.
It’s crucial that the whole team sticks to the agreed boundaries as one person’s change of heart could derail the whole intervention.
Dealing with emotional reactions
Emotions are likely to feel intense and have the potential to escalate during an intervention. Feelings of anger, denial or sadness are common and this is all part of the process. All team members should try to stay compassionate, even if your loved one reacts negatively.
Do:
- Stay calm
- Speak kindly and respectfully
- Take breaks if necessary
- Focus on care, support and love
- Stay solution-focused
- Develop your understanding of substance use disorders
- Take deep breaths if you need to, to avoid reacting emotionally
Don’t:
- Use accusatory language
- Raise your voice
- Use derogatory terms
- Finger point
- Use emotionally-charged phrases like: “Look what you’ve got to live for”, “Your child needs you”, “Can’t you see what you're doing to us?” - this is likely to push the person further back into their pain
- Go into self-blame
The goal is to keep the intervention from devolving into conflict, so try to remain calm and focused as much as possible.
What if my loved one refuses treatment?
While you may work hard to get everything in place for an intervention, there’s no guarantee it’ll succeed in the way you want it to. Remember, if your loved refuses treatment, this doesn’t mean the intervention has failed. Sometimes, it takes longer for people to be ready.
Even if they don’t agree to get help immediately, the intervention will have opened up valuable communication, allowing them to be heard. You can still support your loved one by continuing to offer emotional support. Allow them to face the impact of their addiction if you can. This might mean you no longer make excuses or take over their responsibilities to protect them from the consequences of their actions.
Continue to express your concerns and keep the possibility of treatment on the table, re-attempting the intervention at a later date.