How to help someone feeling suicidal
Expert advice on how you can identify, communicate with and support someone who is feeling suicidal.
Suicide is a leading cause of death in the UK, with over 6,500 lives lost to suicide each year in the UK (Samaritans). It’s a heart breaking reality that shatters families, friends and communities. The ripple effects of suicide are devastating. For the people left behind, the pain can be overwhelming, often compounded by feelings of guilt, anger, confusion and grief.
Beyond this, suicide also reflects the deep, often hidden struggles that many people face in silence. It’s a stark reminder of the urgent need for compassion, understanding and support. Suicide isn’t just a statistic; every life lost is a human life with dreams, hopes and connections.
This is why understanding how to help someone with suicidal thoughts is so crucial. By recognising the warning signs, knowing how to communicate effectively, putting a plan in place and knowing where to get the right support, you can offer vital support to someone in need, potentially saving their life.
Recognising signs of suicidal thoughts
Early recognition of suicidal thoughts can make all the difference. The signs aren't always obvious and may vary from person-to-person.
It’s a common myth that people who are suicidal are going through mental health problems that they, and those close to them, will be aware of. It's important to stay alert to subtle changes in their behaviour, emotions, and the content and tone of things they say.
- Behavioural signs: look out for withdrawal from social activities, significant changes in routine, neglect of personal hygiene, or engaging in risky behaviours. If someone starts giving away prized possessions or making detailed arrangements for their affairs, these could be final preparations indicating serious risk
- Verbal signs: be attentive to direct statements like "I can't go on" and indirect phrases such as "I just want the pain to stop." Goodbyes, whether explicit or more subtle, can also be a key indicator
- Emotional signs: mood swings, a deep sense of despair and hopelessness, or expressions of intense agitation and anger may signal that someone is struggling with suicidal thoughts
Sometimes, people will feel suicidal and not be able to comprehend why. At other times, it may be clearly linked to a certain event in their lives. Consider if this person has recently experienced a difficult life event, such as bereavement, the end of a relationship, or losing their job.
What suicidal thoughts might look like
A common myth surrounding suicide is the idea it’s a ‘selfish’ act, or those attempting suicide are doing it for attention. In reality, the opposite is true. People who are suicidal will often feel:
- They’re a burden on their family
- They’ve let themselves, and their loved ones, down
- They’re not good enough, or are a failure
- That everyone would be better off if they weren’t around anymore
- That there’s ultimately no other way out
There’s no simple or easy way to help someone break free from these thoughts. But you can become a supportive presence that steers them from harm.
How to talk to someone who is suicidal
When you’re talking to someone you believe may be suicidal, it can be hard to know how to approach the subject and speak to them about it. Ultimately, it’s important to remain compassionate, empathetic and non-judgemental.
Become an active listener and create a safe space for them to open up. Show that you're fully engaged in the conversation. Nod, maintain eye contact, and avoid interrupting. Let them know that their feelings are valid and that you're there to support them, without rushing to solutions. In this situation, they’re in need of emotional support rather than practical advice.
Here's some language to consider using, and some to avoid:
- What to say: use phrases like "I'm here for you" or "it's OK to feel this way, let's talk about it." Ask open-ended questions such as "can you tell me more about what you're going through?" These encourage the person to share their feelings without feeling judged
- What not to say: avoid dismissive phrases like "you have so much to live for" or "things could be worse." These can come across as minimising their pain and may discourage them from opening up further. Remember, what they’re going through is very real for them, even if you don’t understand it
Finally, try to avoid being confrontational and don’t expect quick results. It’s understandable that this person may get defensive when they’re asked about a topic as serious as this. It’s natural for them to not want to open up at first, so patience and perseverance are important.
While not everyone’s situation is the same, ultimately, two of the most important messages to try to convey to someone who’s feeling suicidal are:
- You’re not alone: gently remind them there are people who care deeply about them and they don’t have to go through this difficult time by themselves. There are people who want to support them, listen to them and help them through this
- You can get better: reassure them that what they’re feeling, even though it’s overwhelming, doesn’t have to be permanent.
Encourage them to talk openly about their feelings and let them know that seeking help is a sign of strength, not weakness. Remember, for many, suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. With support and treatment, it’s possible to find hope and healing.
Creating a support plan
Preparation and planning are key elements of supporting someone who’s suicidal. Consider building them a support or safety plan that you can make use of, were a situation to arise.
Here are the four core elements of a support plan:
Signs they’re veering towards a crisis
Are there previous patterns, feelings or behaviours that have led to a crisis in the past? Note them down as potential warning signs.
Coping strategies for quick relief
Work with them to try different coping strategies that help them move past their suicidal feelings. It might be using breathing exercises, meditating, or even simply moving away from something that’s triggered them.
Taking steps to keep them from harm
This involves removing things that the person could use to harm themselves, or having close friends and family to turn to when things are threatening to become serious. These steps are designed to keep them safe in the immediate term.
Preparation for emergencies
Have a checklist ready, including important phone numbers, any relevant medical information, and a plan for where to take the person if emergency care is needed.
Samaritans have a template suicide safety plan you could make use of, helping you to take action as soon as you think it’s needed in the future.
Guidance on immediate actions
Suicidal thoughts are very serious. If someone is at immediate risk, your actions are crucial in ensuring their safety:
- Assessing the risk: ask direct questions, such as "are you thinking about harming yourself?" It's important not to shy away from this topic. The person may feel relieved that you're addressing it directly
- Creating a safe environment: if you believe there's an imminent risk, remove any potential means of self-harm from their environment. Keep the atmosphere calm; avoid making the situation feel more chaotic or pressured
- Getting professional help: if the risk is high, don't hesitate to contact the emergency services. Dial 999, reach out to the NHS helpline (111), Samaritans, or attend your local A&E for immediate advice or medical attention
If your loved one is experiencing suicidal thoughts, ideation, intent or planning, it’s important to understand this doesn’t automatically mean they’ll need to be hospitalised. Lots of people worry about reaching out for help because they think this will lead to them being admitted. However, in reality, mental health professionals aim to support people with suicidal thoughts in the least restrictive way possible. Often, tailored therapeutic approaches can be enough to help your loved one manage their feelings. The key is to reach out early, so they can receive appropriate and compassionate care, without necessarily needing hospitalisation.
Self-care for supporters
Supporting someone with suicidal thoughts can be emotionally draining. It's vital to look after your own wellbeing too:
- Managing stress: practise self-care by setting boundaries, seeking your own support, and engaging in activities that replenish your energy. Self-care activities can be anything from watching a film to grabbing a coffee with a friend. See what works for you and don’t feel guilty for putting yourself first
- Dealing with feeling overwhelmed: if you find yourself feeling overwhelmed by someone's dependency on you, it’s OK to ask for help. Look for local services in your area, using a directory like the Hub of Hope, speak to a friend or family member about how you’re feeling, or call a helpline like Samaritans – they aren’t just there to support people who are suicidal
Every life lost to suicide is a tragedy. By fostering open conversations, breaking the stigma around mental health, and extending compassion and support to people in need, it’s possible to prevent the loss of more lives that truly matter. Every life is worth saving, and even in the darkest moments, there’s hope for recovery.
