What is splitting in emotionally unstable personality disorder (EUPD)?
‘Splitting’ is common symptom for people with mental health issues like EUPD (also known as borderline personality disorder (BPD)). Splitting means to divide something. It causes a person to view everything and everyone in black and white, ‘absolute’ terms. It stops them from being able to recognise or accept paradoxical qualities in someone or something, and doesn’t allow for any ‘grey areas’ in their thinking. Splitting is a defence mechanism deployed by people with EUPD and other personality disorders. Its development can be linked to experiences of early life traumas, such as abuse and abandonment.
Seeing and responding to the world in these extremes, through either a filter of positivity or negativity, can leave a person with EUPD exhausted and emotionally drained. It can also lead to strains or fractures in their relationships as those close to the person become more and more affected by their behaviour. It's a commonly used defence mechanism that's done subconsciously in an attempt to protect against intense negative feelings such as loneliness, abandonment and isolation.
What causes splitting?
A split might often be caused by an event that triggers the extreme binary emotions that characterise EUPD. Sometimes, these events might seem harmless or small to people without EUPD, but they may in some way, relate to previous trauma. This event might spark fears of abandonment, separation or severe anxiety.
The root cause is linked to how we develop as a child. When a baby enters the world, they experience the things within it as either good or bad, or as all or nothing. As the baby develops psychologically, they begin to understand that the world isn’t just good or bad. They become able to integrate the idea that good and bad can be held in the same object.
People with EUPD often experience overwhelming emotions and struggle to integrate the concept that good and bad can co-exist in another person. Splitting is a psychological mechanism which allows the person to tolerate difficult and overwhelming emotions by seeing someone as either good or bad, idealised or devalued. This makes it easier to manage the emotions they're feeling, which on the surface seem to be contradictory.
The effects of splitting
Examples of splitting
A person with EUPD may use splitting in the following ways:
- People will be seen as ‘perfect’ or ‘evil’
- Something will ‘always’ or ‘never’ go right
- Someone will ‘always’ or ‘never’ be loving
A person may hold onto these black and white views permanently. For others, their opposing views can fluctuate over time, where they switch from seeing someone or something as entirely good to entirely bad, or vice versa.
Symptoms of splitting
A common symptom of EUPD is emotional dysregulation – this is where a person is less able to manage their emotional responses than people who don’t struggle with a personality disorder. Therefore, when a person with the disorder splits and perceives something or someone to be entirely good or bad, they're likely to respond in a way that falls outside what would be expected. These extreme emotions can be exhausting, both to the person with EUPD and those who are closest to them.
When seeing someone or something as entirely good, this can leave the person with EUPD vulnerable to harm and danger as they're unable to see associated risks. Also, when believing a person is completely perfect, this can lead to co-dependency, where they rely on that person for all their wants and needs. This can be harmful to both parties, and a draining responsibility.
When a real or perceived slight is then experienced by the person with EUPD, this can cause them to feel disappointed, betrayed, unloved or abandoned, and view the other party as entirely bad. The person may then become angry, or withdraw entirely. They may also become incredibly angry with themselves. There are techniques to manage anger during this time.
Care and management of EUPD splitting
If you're close to someone with EUPD, there are a number of ways to support them so they're able to better manage their splitting behaviour. These include the following:
- Remember that splitting is a symptom of EUPD - while it can be difficult not to take their words and actions personally, remember the person isn't intentionally trying to hurt you. Splitting is something they're doing unknowingly
- Think about how you respond to the person who is splitting - try to remain calm and if you find this difficult, give yourself an opportunity to cool down by postponing the conversation
- Show the person that you really do care - a person with EUPD is likely to be dealing with feelings of abandonment, isolation and loneliness. Therefore, try to show the person they're cared for and heard
- Set healthy boundaries to help manage behaviours – work with the person with EUPD to set limits so they understand the behaviours that you won’t tolerate, such as throwing objects or violence. While these boundaries may be unintentionally challenged at times, make sure you carry out the pre-determined consequence, which may include walking away from the situation
It's also important for you to encourage the person to receive the right treatment, and be an advocate of it when they do so.
EUPD treatment
EUPD is a very personal issue, so treatment is geared towards lessening the negative impact it might be having on your life. After you've received a diagnosis for EUPD, you might receive talking therapy and be prescribed medication to help with the ongoing management of your symptoms.
A core therapy type that's been developed specifically for EUPD is dialectical behaviour therapy (DBT). DBT comes from the idea that two different beliefs or thoughts, that seem to be the opposite of each other, can both be simultaneously true. In DBT, these opposing ideas are acceptance (accepting yourself) and change (changing your behaviour). Over time, you'll work out alternative and healthier ways of dealing with extreme emotions, helping to cultivate a worldview that's less self-destructive to you and those around you.
