It has all led to me gaining an increasing amount of leave, and am going on walks and ward trips. I am the healthiest physically and mentally that I have been in years, although sometimes things are still hard. I am now working towards coming off my section and hopefully being discharged in the coming months
When I was first admitted to the Priory, I had just spent five weeks in a general hospital and didn’t know how to feel about coming here. All I wanted was to be discharged home, but I knew that this wasn’t an option at that time due to my dangerously low weight and the strength of the grip my eating disorder had over me.
Initially, I really struggled to manage any food over the first couple of days, so my physical health quickly became unstable again. As a result, I was sent back to general hospital and had to be NG fed for the next three weeks. The electrolytes in my blood became all out of balance, putting me at risk of my heart stopping, therefore I was sent to the intensive care unit for two days.
Every day I asked to come back to Priory, because I knew it was the only way to transition to an oral diet and get rid of the NG tube that I hated more than anything. When I eventually came back, I was on bed rest due to my dangerously low weight, and I had to have two members of staff with me at all times, to prevent me from engaging in behaviours that could harm me. This included self-harm and over-exercise.
My eating disorder and obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD) gave me the constant urge to move around and stand up, as I felt so guilty and anxious for being sat in bed all day. In the kitchen, I struggled with certain behaviours such as hiding and smearing food, to try to have as few calories as I could get away with. I was haunted by the terrible fear of weight gain, and all I could think about was ways to try to avoid it.
However, I started to learn to manage my behaviours better, because I knew otherwise I would just be prolonging my admission. As a result I gained more weight and then more freedom. I eventually moved to one-to-one observations, and up to a more independent table in the kitchen.
There have been several set-backs where I have been moved back to the highest level of support in the kitchen, but with the support of the team, I kept on trying my best, even when my head was screaming at me to just give up. I was encouraged to try antipsychotic medication and even though I don’t like being on it, I have learned to accept it and try to trust the team of professionals around me.
It has all led to me gaining an increasing amount of leave, and am going on walks and ward trips. I am the healthiest physically and mentally that I have been in years, although sometimes things are still hard. I am now working towards coming off my section and hopefully being discharged in the coming months.