Witnessing someone you care about relapsing can be emotionally challenging. Although relapse is often a normal part of recovery, it can leave loved ones feeling disappointed, helpless and unsure of how to help.
Here, we provide information on relapse, practical advice on how you can support your loved one, and tips on how to look after your own wellbeing.
In addiction recovery, a lapse refers to a person having a one-time or temporary ‘slip’ back into their addictive behaviours. A relapse means a full return to previous patterns, after having controlled or abstained completely.
For example, in alcohol addiction, a lapse might involve a single drink, while a relapse could mean returning to heavy drinking. In gambling addiction, a lapse might involve placing one bet, while a relapse could mean uncontrolled gambling, slipping into debt and emotional distress.
Relapse is a common part of the recovery process and doesn’t mean your loved one has failed. Many people who relapse achieve long-term sobriety over time – the key lies in how the relapse is dealt with.
Both lapses and relapses can provide valuable insights into triggers, coping strategies and areas that need further support. Using these episodes as learning opportunities can strengthen the person’s resilience and commitment to staying sober.
Recognising the signs of relapse can help you intervene as early as possible and approach your loved one with care and compassion. These signs will vary from person-to-person, but there are some general signs you can look out for:
When you’re supporting someone who’s relapsed, remember that they’re not doing it on purpose – addiction changes how the brain functions, which can make it very difficult to stop.
Addiction and relapse often generate guilt and shame for the person in recovery. That’s why using compassionate and non-judgemental language is more helpful than blaming or shaming them.
Focus on encouragement and understanding, and try to take a solution-focused approach to reaffirm their commitment to recovery.
Phrases to use
Phrases to avoid
Creating a space for your loved one to speak openly and honestly about their experiences can support them to get back on track.
Supporting someone going through relapse is easier when you understand triggers and have some tools and resources available to you.
Triggers are situations, emotions or environments that can lead to cravings and potential relapse. Everyone’s triggers are different, but common ones may include stress and/or deteriorating mental health, certain places or people or physical triggers, such as lack of sleep or chronic pain.
Knowing and understanding their triggers can help you to support your loved one to manage them:
Help your loved one to create a relapse prevention plan, a personalised strategy to help individuals maintain their progress and reduce the risk of relapse.
You may want to involve a professional in this process to maximise its effectiveness. If they’ve undergone a 28-day inpatient treatment, they will likely already have one you can refer to if a relapse occurs.
If it does, use it as an opportunity to review this plan to ensure it meets their needs and strengthens their relapse prevention strategies.
A relapse prevention plan can include:
When someone has relapsed, involving professional help can be an important next step. Staging an intervention may be necessary if:
An intervention is a structured conversation aimed at helping the person recognise they need treatment. It’s not about blaming or shaming, but should be handled in a supportive and non-confrontational manner.
It can be led by close friends and family or guided by a professional, such as a therapist specialising in addiction.
Pick as good a moment to do this as you can for this. Depending on their substance use pattern, their might be a moment when they are less intoxicated and more receptive.
Alternative options for professional help include:
When a loved one relapses, it can bring up difficult emotions for you like guilt, fear, frustration or feelings of betrayal. It can also really deplete your own energy and self-care.
It’s important to acknowledge these feelings without letting them turn into blame or resentment. Create your own toolkit of strategies for ensuring you’re able to remain strong and supportive of your loved one.
Making time for yourself can help you to decompress and stop your emotions from boiling over. It might feel like the last thing you want to do with a loved one in crisis but it is really important, for you and for your ability to help them.
An important aspect of looking after yourself is setting boundaries with your loved one. That includes understanding the difference between supporting and enabling someone.
Support means you offer encouragement, care and resources that help a person to sustain their recovery.
Enabling involves protecting someone from the consequences of their addiction. Although you may mean well, it can keep a person stuck in their addiction. For example, making excuses on their behalf or providing financial support that funds their substance use.
There are various avenues for accessing professional help and support if you’re concerned about a loved one relapsing.